Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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