i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
