I just threw up on my dentist
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
