I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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