I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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