i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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