Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
