I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
