I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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