Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
