seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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