I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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