I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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