Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
