Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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