your parents love me but you hate me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
