I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize