Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
