Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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