I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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