you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
