Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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