i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!