He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party