Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!