when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation