Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance