I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.