I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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