he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
