how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize