He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
