Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
