So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
