she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I love you.
Bad choice
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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