It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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