He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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