broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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