I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
