I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
