I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
