Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
