Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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