WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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