Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
