I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF