We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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