david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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