It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
