hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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