I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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