Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
