Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How's work?
Spinning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
