You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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