You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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