His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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