I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
