he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
