Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
