she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
