i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need a beard to bite.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
