so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
