hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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