I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
