It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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