when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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