yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
