As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
