my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
