After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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