My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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