I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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