Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
