Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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