i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
