I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There's even glitter on my cock...
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