we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
