i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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