I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Welp...herpes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize