I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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