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Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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