News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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