She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
