his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
