All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
