***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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