I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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