I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
