Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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