my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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