Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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