his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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