I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
